flying

I have so many things to share. I'll start with my trip last weekend. I met the loveliest woman on the first leg of my flight to Saint Louis, I'll call her Marie. We started a conversation about food because she asked me if I wanted her snack bar they gave out on the flight. I politely declined, she said she is allergic to gluten. I told her my daughter is also. She said "I'm 70 years old, it seems strange to me that I would become allergic now". She went on to tell me it was her daughter that diagnosed her, no her daughter isn't a doctor or nurse, she's a biochemist. Marie went on to tell me that her daughter used to do cancer research and because of that research she now lives on a working farm because she wants to be able to control what she eats. I asked Marie if I could go live with her daughter. My dream is to be able to grow all my own food. I truly believe our food should be organic and locally grown. This can be very hard to sustain. I work, my husband works, I have 2 small children.

It amazes me that the people that need to be in front of  you with a reminder suddenly appear. I have been failing miserably at eating locally. Marie reminded me of my passion and my quest. Thank you Marie, I hope you had safe travels.

How do you all eat locally? Do you buy from farms? Do you grow your own? Do you just try to but organic in the grocery store?

time

Things are going great with Bethany so I thought I would post about another part of my journey through motherhood. 

How do people find the balance? I love my job and I love my kids. I have such a hard time finding the balance. I feel like every minute I'm home is consumed with things that need to be done and I don't get to spend it with my kids. I always feel better when I have meals planned for the week, but rarely get that done on the weekend. This weekend I'm working nights so nothing gets done. I literally slept from 9am to 5pm today. I stopped this morning after work to help my gram take her shot for RA and went home. I saw my kids for about 20 minutes from the time I got up until I had to leave. I so worry they are closer with my parents then they are with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy I have family that is close by and involved with my kids. So, I'm done complaining. I'm very thankful for what I have and sometimes I need to remind myself of that. 

visiting nurse

Bethany had a visit from the visiting nurse today. I have to say I liked her, she didn't sound so bright on the phone but I was pleasantly surprised. She asked me if we had considered anything alternative. I told her I was thinking of having some alternative allergy testing done at a local, well renowned alternative medicine clinic. The nurse mentioned something about GMOs. I can't say I have given GMOs specific thought, my general feeling is the world is full of crap. I don't agree with genetically modifying food, I don't believe in mass producing food, I do believe in buying as locally as possible.  I also live in reality and I know you can't have everything you wish for. So I try to buy locally, I try to buy organic.

Sept 10

So things have been going well at home. Bethany's weight was up, but today it was down. So I'm not really sure what is going on with her but tomorrow they are picking up the feeding tube equipment tomorrow.

We have totally created a monster by letting her eat what ever she wants. She needs to gain weight but having cake for breakfast is not usually my style. Don't get me wrong, the cake is delicious, it has three of my favorite things in it, chocolate, wine and pumpkin. It gluten and dairy free too! But cake for breakfast needs to stop.

Last night I was elected president of the board at my daughters montessouri school. This should be interesting. I think I've overextended myself, I'm also on the board of Share Southern Vermont (a pregnancy and infant loss support network) and APIC NE (my professional organization for nursing). So it's going to be a super busy year!! All of these organizations are things I care about, so I think I can make it work.

I've always admired those people that do a lot of things for their kids. You know those moms who coach (my mom and sister-in-law), are on the PTA, and have a clean house. I didn't really know if I had it in me to be one of those moms because I have a 30 mile commute to work 4 days a week and work 35 hours a week. So now I'm going to know what it's like to be one a joiner. My sister-in-law is always coaching and she watches my kids and her house is always clean when I drop them off. You should see my house right now... laundry everywhere, the doll house is in the kitchen, the beds aren't made, stuff all over the bathroom counter, I mean it's a mess. To the point that I have planned to leave work early, leave the kids at my sister-in-laws house so I can clean! It's just ridiculous.

I am continually telling my husband that I want to work less. We really can't afford for me to work less but in the fantasy land in my head I keep thinking it's possible.

proud mama

So Bethany was discharged almost a week ago. She came home on Labor Day. Luckily we were able to find a vendor who would bring us a feeding pump on the holiday. She was on tube feeding until Thursday when she vomited and the tube came out. We were really worried it would need to go back in but today she seems like she's going to make it without it. We decided to go gluten free even though both of her celiac tests came back negative. I really think that is what has been different this time home. The formula they had her on is gluten free, hypoallergenic and of coarse dairy free.

I had to go back to work Josh was with Bethany the day she was discharged. All the nurses were so impressed with him and how he was able to give her meds and deal with the NG tube. I'm so proud of him. Annoyed that it has to be a big deal for a dad to be able to deal with their child, but proud of him!

I'm proud of Bethany for being so tolerant throughout this ordeal and I'm proud of Chelsea for being a wonderful, protective big sister.

This gluten free thing is okay. It's not quite as hard as I had thought it might be. Love pinterest for finding recipes. I just made a chocolate, pumpkin, red wine cake. I'll let you know how it comes out.

home at last

So here we are home with Bethany on tube feeding at night. So far it's going well. Josh has really stepped up and is taking good care of her with her tube. We will try to wean her off the tube feed gradually. She is still needing medicine for nausea, I wish her nausea would go away. It's terrible to see her in so much discomfort.

Today is my normal day to have MJ. He's the 6 month old I watch for a friend.  He pulls hair, so my worry is he will pull her tube out. He can't be left alone for a second anyway because he puts EVERYTHING in his mouth.

Chelsea started full day preschool yesterday. It's nice to have just the two little ones. Chelsea can be an immense amount of work sometimes.

My wonderful husband & more progress for Bethany

So my husband, Josh is staying with Bethany tonight. And he stayed last night. It has been good for me to be home with our 4 year old Chlesea.

Bethany is doing well on her tube feed. They increased her rate so she could be off for 4 hours today and tomorrow will be longer. Our goal is to feed her through the night and have her off it during the day. She could potentially come home tomorrow, but because it's a holiday it will probably be Tuesday. We still are not 100% sure what her problem is but hopefully a 6 week intermittent coarse of antibiotics will cure her.

Being home allowed me to spend much needed time with Chelsea and cann 41 pints of peaches. We love having peached in the winter that come from my grandfathers peach tree.

This is from the beginning of August, the last time Bethany felt well.