the sandbox

I am almost always taken off guard when I start to picture all three of my children in a place. Recently I had the two girls at a nature center and they were playing outside in the sandbox. All of a sudden it hit me - "there should be three children here". And then the questions start "which one would he look more like", "what would his personality be", and so on and so on. 

I miss him all the time, but there are times it just hits me like a ton of bricks. 

I recently heard my coworkers granddaughter is in the NICU and is very seriously ill. I feel extremely blessed to be able to offer assistance to her family and yet sad at the same time to have that skill and ability to feel that pain. It is both a gift and a curse from my son. I am eternally sad to have lost him but eternally grateful to be able to help others. 

Since my son was not in the NICU that is not something I feel comfortable talking with families about. However, I am blessed to know a very special woman named Penny whose son was in the NICU. I contacted her right away and she is willing to talk to the family as I knew she would be. This network of bereaved parents I have become part of are an amazing, graceful group of people and a testament to the resilience and kindness of humans.

Eating Lifestyle change

We started seeing a dietitian recently to help us find a reason for Bethany's diarrhea and slow weight gain. She finally hit 20lbs - yay! The dietitian suggested the GAPS diet. I have done only brief research on the diet. Based on her recommendation we have cut out all processed foods. She lives mostly on meat (protein), veggies, fruit, nuts and eggs. As a result so do the rest of us. I make exceptions for Chelsea and Josh for lunches but for the most part we have all adopted her lifestyle diet.

There is something very freeing about only having to cook a meat and a veggie at dinner. I used to always have something I considered to have more substance, like potato or rice. Now I just cook more of the meat and veggie and I'm done. It's great.

Bethany's diarrhea is better but now she has developed an eczema like rash on her left leg. We can't win. So we continue with the diet and we'll let you know how it goes.