Four

Today is the fourth anniversary of my sons birth. I mark this date on my calendar but when I think of how old he should be I use his November due date. So he should be about 3 1/2.

I counseled a co-worker today about her recent loss. Her due date was yesterday. She hadn't really thought about it, she has a lot of other emotional things going on in her life. But she did say that since June has come all of her emotions about her miscarriage have returned. I assured her that was normal, that the sadness never goes away we just find a way to incorporate it into our lives. For me, that's having the chance to council other families experiencing loss by working with Share.

My husband took the girls to our sons grave today. He even posted a picture on Facebook. I am amazed at the way he grieves, I just never know what he's going to do. He had Dominic's name tattooed on his arm (along with the girls' names) but he didn't often speak about him. I feel like just recently he has been able to express himself. I'm proud of him that he is able to express his grief.

My oldest daughter had a rough time when I got home tonight. My husband said she had been just fine until then. She was very weepy, and this wasn't just 'I'm tired' crying. This was real sadness, she really misses her brother. Even though she never met him, she has always known about him and she is just now starting to understand what that loss means to her. It brings a whole other level of sadness. As a parent the sadness of the loss of a child is overwhelming, but watching your child be deeply sad over the loss is an emotion without words.